Dating is viewed as a serious matter and is not intended for entertainment purposes. Dating is reserved for mature men and women who have reached a marriageable age and are actively seeking their lifemate.
The restrictions on dating do not stem from old-fashioned prudishness. Rather they are a key ingredient in the creation of stable marriages between compatible spouses.
You Will Find What You Seek.The focus of a date is to determine whether this person one is seeing has the qualities and values which will allow the two of them to live together harmoniously and happily for the rest of their lives.
Hence, successful dating is an art; it requires the mind to take control of a domain which traditionally and instinctively belongs to the heart.The restrictions on dating are a key ingredient in the creation of stable marriages
Following this reasoning, the setting for the date should be one conducive for an extended private conversation, and both parties should be prepared to candidly describe their visions and goals for themselves and their family.
A date at the cinema, for example, sheds a little light on anything, and only serves to bring the two to an emotional attachment before it is healthy for them to have one, for it interferes with the ability to make an objective decision. Once the mind has decided, then the heart too must agree.
When both mind and heart agree that the person is compatible, then "let the celebration begin!"
Serious and goal-oriented dating lays a strong foundation for marriage. A marriage with such a foundation will likely survive the stress and harsh conditions which will inevitably arrive sometime in the years to follow. This is the Jewish way, and we daresay it is also the common sense approach.
Today, with the loosening of social restrictions on the mingling and fraternizing between the sexes, many marriages start off as casual acquaintanceships. Two people meet, a relatively shallow conversation is initiated, sparks begin to fly, and after a period of intense courting and romance, off they go to the town clerk for a marriage license. The approach to dating has become increasingly focused on attraction and romance, and less focused on real compatibility. "Love conquers all," is a dangerous adage, and perhaps the main reason why nearly half of all marriages dissolve in divorce, and as a society, we have reached a point where the prenuptial agreement is an integral part of the marriage process as the marriage vows.
The heart following the mind is a formula for successFortunately, it seems that many people are discovering the wisdom of serious dating and focusing on compatibility. Assorted organizations now offer personality tests, and based on the results of these tests they endeavor to find compatible mates. These organizations claim a high success rate of many happily married couples who they've matched up. Makes sense!
Dating is Not a Game!How about people not yet contemplating marriage? Can they dabble in some "harmless" dating or even some pre-marital sex? Does the Torah frown upon such entertainment and pleasure just because it is not in the context of marriage?An understanding of the Kabbala of sexuality sheds light on this sensitive subject. Sexual attraction is a sacred calling of the soul and contains incredible potential when properly harnessed.
It motivates the selfish person to be selfless and is a vehicle for the implementation of the Divine plan for all of the Creation .As is the case with any potent power, sexuality's constructive powers are only matched by its destructive potential. Nuclear energy is a textbook example. It can be used to economically provide mankind with valuable and plentiful energy, or can cause untold destruction and devastation.
Outside the framework of marriage, intimacy is self-centered instead of selfless. It is an expression of the body instead of the soul. Worst of all, it can have a desensitizing effect, causing an individual to associate sexuality with these negative qualities, rather than allowing the person to relate intimacy with the spiritual and meaningful experience it is intended to be.The less the soul's power of sexuality has been abused, the healthier the person's marriage is likely to be. Thus, the task of preserving the sanctity of sexuality and marriage begins long before one actually starts considering marriage.
The less the soul's power of sexuality has been abused, the healthier the person's marriage is likely to beThis "hypothesis" is actually statistically proven. Mariah Wojdacz of LegalZoom.com, a leading online legal service center, writes: "The highest risk factor for divorce may be surprising since it is often seen as a way to promote stability and security in a relationship. Couples who move in together prior to marriage have a far greater chance of divorce than couples who do not. How much higher is that risk? Some studies suggest couples who co-habitat before marriage, divorce at a rate as high as 85 percent."A marriage is also healthier when neither of the spouses is comparing their spouse to previous opposite-sex partners they had.
The restrictions on dating do not stem from old-fashioned prudishness. Rather they are a key ingredient in the creation of stable marriages between compatible spouses.
You Will Find What You Seek.The focus of a date is to determine whether this person one is seeing has the qualities and values which will allow the two of them to live together harmoniously and happily for the rest of their lives.
Hence, successful dating is an art; it requires the mind to take control of a domain which traditionally and instinctively belongs to the heart.The restrictions on dating are a key ingredient in the creation of stable marriages
Following this reasoning, the setting for the date should be one conducive for an extended private conversation, and both parties should be prepared to candidly describe their visions and goals for themselves and their family.
A date at the cinema, for example, sheds a little light on anything, and only serves to bring the two to an emotional attachment before it is healthy for them to have one, for it interferes with the ability to make an objective decision. Once the mind has decided, then the heart too must agree.
When both mind and heart agree that the person is compatible, then "let the celebration begin!"
Serious and goal-oriented dating lays a strong foundation for marriage. A marriage with such a foundation will likely survive the stress and harsh conditions which will inevitably arrive sometime in the years to follow. This is the Jewish way, and we daresay it is also the common sense approach.
Today, with the loosening of social restrictions on the mingling and fraternizing between the sexes, many marriages start off as casual acquaintanceships. Two people meet, a relatively shallow conversation is initiated, sparks begin to fly, and after a period of intense courting and romance, off they go to the town clerk for a marriage license. The approach to dating has become increasingly focused on attraction and romance, and less focused on real compatibility. "Love conquers all," is a dangerous adage, and perhaps the main reason why nearly half of all marriages dissolve in divorce, and as a society, we have reached a point where the prenuptial agreement is an integral part of the marriage process as the marriage vows.
The heart following the mind is a formula for successFortunately, it seems that many people are discovering the wisdom of serious dating and focusing on compatibility. Assorted organizations now offer personality tests, and based on the results of these tests they endeavor to find compatible mates. These organizations claim a high success rate of many happily married couples who they've matched up. Makes sense!
Dating is Not a Game!How about people not yet contemplating marriage? Can they dabble in some "harmless" dating or even some pre-marital sex? Does the Torah frown upon such entertainment and pleasure just because it is not in the context of marriage?An understanding of the Kabbala of sexuality sheds light on this sensitive subject. Sexual attraction is a sacred calling of the soul and contains incredible potential when properly harnessed.
It motivates the selfish person to be selfless and is a vehicle for the implementation of the Divine plan for all of the Creation .As is the case with any potent power, sexuality's constructive powers are only matched by its destructive potential. Nuclear energy is a textbook example. It can be used to economically provide mankind with valuable and plentiful energy, or can cause untold destruction and devastation.
Outside the framework of marriage, intimacy is self-centered instead of selfless. It is an expression of the body instead of the soul. Worst of all, it can have a desensitizing effect, causing an individual to associate sexuality with these negative qualities, rather than allowing the person to relate intimacy with the spiritual and meaningful experience it is intended to be.The less the soul's power of sexuality has been abused, the healthier the person's marriage is likely to be. Thus, the task of preserving the sanctity of sexuality and marriage begins long before one actually starts considering marriage.
The less the soul's power of sexuality has been abused, the healthier the person's marriage is likely to beThis "hypothesis" is actually statistically proven. Mariah Wojdacz of LegalZoom.com, a leading online legal service center, writes: "The highest risk factor for divorce may be surprising since it is often seen as a way to promote stability and security in a relationship. Couples who move in together prior to marriage have a far greater chance of divorce than couples who do not. How much higher is that risk? Some studies suggest couples who co-habitat before marriage, divorce at a rate as high as 85 percent."A marriage is also healthier when neither of the spouses is comparing their spouse to previous opposite-sex partners they had.
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